I often get told that I’m a Super Mom or Super Woman as I do so much and appear to be juggling so many balls in the air. Yes, it’s hard being a Mum of four, yes it’s hard running a business and yes it is hard juggling being a Mum, a wife and having a career – but so many people out there are doing this and the idea is that we all look like graceful swans gliding on the surface while our feet are frantically kicking beneath the water to ensure that everything works.
Perception vs Reality
So, how do I feel about this? I think it’s great. This is what I was inspired to do as a child and I’ve achieved it! But it also makes me sad in some respects that people think I’ve got life sorted because that’s certainly not how I feel. I struggle everyday with the guilt of leaving my children so that I can go to work. I, like many women thought I’d love to be a stay at home Mum, but the reality wasn’t as rosy as I’d imagined! Staying at home isn’t for everyone and that’s perfectly okay. I have to balance out being with my children and doing what I love – my job. Going out to work, makes me a better Mum. Not all of us are able to be stay at home Mum’s either for financial reasons or the fact that it’s hard! It is life changing giving up a career where you are using your brain daily and are part of a team. As a Mum you still use your brain daily but in other ways and you have someone constantly reliant on you. You may not feel or get the recognition and acknowledgment at the end of the day for what you have been doing. I also think that there is still a lack of acknowledgement of what people do when they stay at home to bring up a family and keep the house running smoothly. Equality has not yet caught up and I still remember having to state my occupation and people would say you’re JUST a stay at home Mum. My husband used to call me Head of Household.
I struggle to get the balance between work and family life. Starting up a business is intense and sometimes I work constantly, and my partner has to tell me to stop! There is always something to work on or develop, to improve, consults to be written up, notes to be deciphered and training and research to be done. I have recently been to some amazing talks by Jess Stuart. She is a life coach and mentor and has some brilliant advice for trying to get a better work life balance. Check out her new book that’s out soon. https://www.jessstuart.co.nz/superwoman
Having a clean house is a nice to have, but children often don’t care and live to make it a mess! My husband also isn’t that fussed as long as he can find his things, but if it makes you happy then look at how you can make that happen without making it more work for you. Building a roster and getting children and both parents to do certain jobs so that one person doesn’t feel the full responsibility on their shoulders.
I really struggle with mess (yes, I know I chose to have four mess makers!). It was one of the hardest parts of having my children. I couldn’t sit down and relax if the dishes hadn’t been washed up and put away. I had an accident where I couldn’t be in control and couldn’t keep things tidy all the time. I had to rely on others to help me out. It was an incredibly challenging time of my life with lots and lots of tears shed, but it was also a blessing in disguise because it has made me able to let go of things that don’t matter, it has made me more empathetic, given me more focus on what really matters to me in life and has allowed me to help my clients with more understanding and acknowledging their struggles. It is hard to ask for help, but it’s even harder to acknowledge that sometimes we need help and there is no shame in that! We have been brought up in a society where we feel we need to be everything to everyone, actually we need to look after ourselves and then we can help others and that includes our babies. Put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others.
Prioritise time when you are focused solely on your children, giving them quality time. I often say to my kids that it’s about quality not quantity. I don’t have 100’s of friends but the ones I do have are so special to me. We have started games night on a Friday evening and after work we don’t look at our devices until the children are in bed, so that between 5:30 and 7:30pm we are available for our children.
So, does a Super Mom even exist?
To most kids you will be a super Mom or Super Dad because you are their parent and they love you unconditionally and you love them unconditionally (top tip, ensure that they know you truly love them unconditionally, don’t take it for granted). Kids don’t really care about a lot of things that we perceive them to care about. They want you to be present, to listen, to hold them and to care for them. My kids love watching a movie with us, but for them that means being on top of us to watch it! We made them a cool playroom with their own TV in it, but they’d rather watch the telly in the room next to me rather than being downstairs as they want to be close. They rarely play in their own rooms as they would rather play on the floor underneath my feet so they can be close to me. They would rather I didn’t go to work at nights, even though they are fast asleep and don’t interact with me because they like to know I’m in the house. My kids think I’m a super Mom because they know whole heartedly that I adore them and that I try my hardest to be a good mum to them even if they don’t like some of what that entails at times e.g. I don’t let them drink fizzy drinks!
Am I a super Mom?
Yes, to my kids I am and that’s all that matters. I am doing my best and that’s all that can be expected of me. Would I recommend this to others – hell no! Would I change it? – hell no. I love my crazy life, through its up’s and down’s and zigzags. It’s not for everyone, but for me it’s perfect.
So, who is a Super Mom?
Any women who has carried a baby in her womb, who has been through the pain and heartache of IVF, who has been through the long agonising process of adopting a baby is a Super Mom. It is an incredible and amazing thing we are capable of and we are all amazing in our own ways, so don’t compare yourself to anyone else and don’t feel you are not enough. You don’t have to do everything you just need to – be. Be you. You are incredible and if you are struggling or just need to talk get in touch with me via messenger on my facebook page https://www.facebook.com/blissfulbubs.co.nz.
Be proud!
